She’s A Big Fat Phony

She’s A Big Fat Phony

It’s safe to say, when I first started my blog nearly three years ago now, I never imagined it would be where it is today! Every week I receive dozens of messages and emails from other people asking how I’ve done it. How do I make things go viral? How did I grow my following? And every time someone asks me, the first thing that comes to my mind is “Oh I’m just lucky, I guess?”

Honestly, every time someone asks me a question about my success, it actually leaves me questioning and doubting myself more than before. “Why me?”

I’ve never thought I’m a great writer. But I have a lot of things to say (often followed with a lot of exclamation marks, sorry about that, was just trying to get the point across) and a lot of emotions it would seem. I’m always in a glass cage of emotion.

But in a time when I felt isolated, and struggled in those early days of parenthood, social media was a place I found solace. So I began my own blog as a way to connect, share and essentially give back to a community that helped me so much when I first became a mum.

However, I suffer from this little thing called imposter syndrome, and somedays I feel extremely undeserving of the success my blog has brought me. I look around and I wonder, why does anyone care what I have to say?  I don’t have a claim to fame. I’m not a journalist (as someone once said, blogging is the graffiti of journalism). I’m not a sportsperson’s wife. I’ve never been on reality TV.

In fact, I’m fairly certain my closest claim to fame is that I went to the same high school as Vanessa Amorosi for, like, a term. I worry that at some point, everyone is going to work out that I’m a fraud.

It’s not just imposter syndrome I suffer from. I am also a chronic overthinker and tragic people pleaser! I overthink absolutely everything, I doubt almost everything that I do and I will always try and make sure everyone is happy before myself!

I cannot even tell you the amount of times I have started writing a blog but never published it out of fear of what people might think or say. There have been countless times when I’ve gone to an event and just thought, “Everyone here thinks I’m an absolute dickhead.”

I even pulled out of an award I was nominated for recently because I was worried people would think I was an idiot and undeserving!

But then I read a book! A really, really good book, written by one of my absolute idols and girl crushes, Jamila Rizvi called “Not Just Lucky”. And in that book she has a whole chapter about imposter syndrome, and guess what – IT’S NOT JUST ME!

Turns out all the great women experience this daily, but the key is to own it!

I was recently nominated for another award in the Ausmumpreneur Awards Influencer Category. And you know what, I’m owning it. I’m extremely proud of what I have done and where my blog and I are today.

From what started as a hobby, an outlet for me to connect with this amazing community. Has now become my job. I have worked hard, I put in countless hours not just doing the fun stuff, but also the behind the scenes.

I make sure I am keeping a two-way road of communication with my audience. I stay up late at night replying to emails. I make sure I’m there to answer peoples questions and offer support and encouragement whenever I can.

I’ve somehow managed to put myself in a position where I can do something I love so much, and provide for my family. And you know what’s funniest? Every time an amazing opportunity comes up or something so out of this world awesome happens, that’s when I feel my most anxious – stupid right?

But, I feel it’s time I start to silence my ‘inner self-sabotager’, as I like to call her and start giving myself a little more credit. Because if I’m really honest, I didn’t get to where I am for “being lucky”, I got here because I work fucking hard, I’m a good person and deserve it!

Note: My inspo for this blog of course was from Jamila’s book “Not Just Lucky” which I think everyone should go and buy! And I also think if you find me the slightest bit funny or cool that you vote for me in the Ausmumpreneur Influencer Awards 😉 #shamelessplug


1 Comment

  1. July 6, 2017 / 8:34 pm

    Don’t self sabotage! (I know, totally easy to say but not so easy to do haha) Since becoming a mum I have found it so refreshing to find real women out there who talk about the real issues – mum guilt, self doubt, the juggle of family life, double bacon cheeseburger pizza…. it all makes me feel like I am not alone, and has actually encouraged me to be more open about the not-so-perfect moments instead of just acting like everything was swimming along nicely. So thank you for being you!

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