And some just DO!!
As kids, it’s so simple!
Do you like Lego? Hell yeh! Let’s be best friends!
Wanna come jump on my trampoline? Awesome! Yay this is fun!
Then as we become adults, somehow it just becomes so overly complicated (or at least we seem to think it does) and so many impacts our relationships with people! But imagine if we applied the same “rules” kids did! Like having something in common and enjoying one another company?!
Mummy, what’s an “ulterior motive”?
I’ve thought a lot about this topic over the last little while! And each and every part of this is a confession of my own mistakes, lessons, discoveries and realisations about friendship. It is the perspective of a twenty-eight-year-old and I’m sure some people will relate and others think I’m an idiot – but it’s my thought and I wanted to share them…
Time is not a defining factor
A lot of people seem to think that just because you’ve known someone for longer, makes them better friends? Or that because you’ve been friends so long, you must remain friends?!
That’s simply not the case!
I have friends I’ve known for 20 years, and some I’ve known for just a few months – doesn’t make them any better or any more/less a friend!
Every friendship is different
How many of us have that friend that people have said: “I don’t know why you’re friends with them?”. Or even looked at two people and literally wondered the same thing?
But that’s the thing, everyone is different! Just as every friendship is different. And what two people see in one another is their business and not for anyone else to concern themselves with! No two peoples interactions with each other ever are the same with someone else.
A mutual hatred of someone else is NOT a friendship!
Yup, fuck me! I have made this mistake – more times that I’d like to admit. Don’t lie! We’ve all done it! And it’s so easy to get caught up and not realise!
I could get into it, but honestly – it’s a recipe for disaster! If you find that you are spending a bulk of your time bitching, complaining and whining about another person, try changing the topic and see if you actually have anything else in common!
Same goes with forming fake and superficial friendships based on someones ‘status’ or ‘income’. No one is better than anyone else…
Friends can hurt you
Sounds blunt! And no I don’t mean someone who is mean, bullies, belittles and blatantly treats you like shit – if anyone in your life makes you feel this way then “fuck ’em right off”.
But that isn’t to say that sometimes your friends can still hurt your feelings. And that’s a good thing! No one wants friends who just stroke their ego and tell them they can do no wrong. Sometimes you need someone to tell you to stop being a twat, grow the fuck up or get over it!
The truth can hurt sometimes but we are better for it! I’d rather be told by a loved one who cares about me than someone who actually just intends to hurt me.
Also, sometimes we are actually just hurting ourselves, in our own minds, by misinterpreting and over thinking things people say and do, thanks to #anxiety! So it’s also important to realise which is which.
There is a difference between a friend and a “project”
Yup, again I’m guilty of this one. Certainly, in my early twenties, I had a number of friendships were I tried to “fix” people and thought I was all wise and mighty. That also goes that there are some people out there who will cry for help but don’t actually want to be “fixed”!
It’s a trap for everyone involved and a situation best avoided – regardless if those two people genuinely think they are doing the right thing at the time.
I think for me it was an avoidance of the issues I had in my own life and in my own mind which should have been where I directed my efforts, rather than convince myself my life was better than someone else’s because they were such a “train wreck”
Give, but don’t expect!
I think this is a huge one! How many of us have thought “I put so much effort in for their birthday/wedding/party/whatever, but they didn’t do the same for me?” or “I was there for them when they needed me, where are they for me?”
Expecting the same output from someone that you feel you put in is never going to make for lasting relationships and shouldn’t be a catalyst you gauge a friendship on! You’ll only disappoint yourself…
My mother used to tell me if you can count a few good friends, on one hand, you’re lucky. And more than ever, I realised what she meant!
I think the same also goes when talking about all relationships – not just friendship! And perhaps why there is such a high failure rate these days of marriages these days? I dunno, I’m not an expert, but hey the so-called experts on MAFS didn’t get it right either so I can’t seem any less qualified can I? Haha