You’ve all heard of that “pregnancy glow”, the magical and majestical aura of omitted by a woman with child. We’ll I’m definitely not here to dismiss that it exists, but it ain’t for any enchanting reason you think it does!
The so-called ‘glow’ everyone talks about is created by the reflection of the many beads of sweat dripping down your body! It doesn’t matter what time of year it is, or even what time of day – you will be glowing bright – I guarantee it!!
And that’s not all that you’ll get to enjoy during pregnancy! Here are some other gross, sorry I mean ‘glowing’ symptoms of pregnancy!
You grow extra hair
I love that during pregnancy my hair grows long and lush! What I don’t love is that means EVERY hair on my body goes into over drive. Between my pregnancies I spend a shit tone of money on laser hair removal. It was great, not a hair in sight on my lady bits and underarms – until now! #wasteofmoney
Let’s hope it all falls out again postpartum like the hair on my head did last time!
Your heart will BURN
Fuck me, this has to be one of the worst parts of pregnancy! I don’t know if I cop it worse because I’m short and my organs literally have nowhere to go. But, I am constantly torn between wanting to eat 20 nuggets but stopping myself because I know it will give me a good few days worth of painful heartburn – not worth it.
Okay, I’m sorry for a bit too much information, but anyone who’s been her before knows it’s true – everything starts leaking! I constantly have to check if I’ve wet myself but no it’s just the normal pregnancy discharge (I tried to Google a nicer word but they all sound foul – this was the most medical of term I could find).
Same goes for the boobs, I have the joy of ripping my bra from myself every night because I have leaked colostrum, which then sticks me to my bra – lovely!
You develop superpowers
Especially in the early days of pregnancy, you get an uber keen sense of smell! This is possible the worst super power ever because it just means you gag reflex is triggered by almost anything and your husbands farts could kill you.
Your full of air
And no I don’t mean the epic flatulence you might be experiencing. Im talking about the fact my lady parts feel like someone stuck the tyre pressure gauge in and filled it with air! I guess the best way to describe it would be ‘puffy’. Again – sorry for TMI!
You will have an itch that needs scratching
When your pregnant, your always itchy – especially your boobs! But I am one of those rare special types who has to try and take it to the next level. Let me introduce you to PUPPS!
So far I haven’t had the luxury of this lovely pregnancy side effect second time round but last time it saw me rolling on cold tiles in the middle of night because it was so god damn painful and itchy. It began around 35 weeks and I had it until birth, it was actually the reason they induced me!
Yup! Pregnancy can be pretty freaking gross, but so can the human body in general. At least pregnancy produces an adorable little baby who will fill your life with endless love and enjoyment. That’s a lot more than I can say for my husbands farts!
Images courtesy of Kos & Kaos.