Something I see so often on social media these days is the finger pointing claims on who is a “real” mum and who isn’t!
And while I understand what some people are trying to say, I can’t help but think what kind of message we are sending or how we are making people feel when we do this.
Sure, I know it’s not perhaps the ‘norm’ to some people to be in a pair of size six jeans the second you walk out the hospital or have a set of chizzled abs only weeks post-partum. But for some women, it is just their reality.
The debates circling how you birth your child’s or how you feed them see’s woman being attached and feeling a need to defend their choices when let’s be honest – who cares? And who does it impact other than that woman and her child?
So many contradicting messages like encouraging women to spend more ‘me -time’ and look after their health both mentally and physically. Yet on the flip side the second you dare say you got your hair done or got a massage or went on a date night with your husband that ONE TIME. There’s always someone there to question you on where you get the time? Or make you feel guilty for not being with your kids!
We tell women to love their bodies, no matter what their shape or size. But the second a woman posts and image of their post-partum body we label them “not a real mum” because they don’t look how you “think” a mum should look?
On social media this is amplified so much! Everyone bangs on that people have “curated” or styled images and therefor they’re not “real”.
But that’s the beauty of the internet, there are so many different types of people, doing different things and posting about all sorts of things that you can find someone you relate to, someone who’s images and messages resonate with you – whatever that might be!
But just because someone has a nice house and professional looking images does not make her any less a mum, or even a person?! Just like a mother sharing her deepest and darkest moments is not a bad or lazy mother – that’s just their life, and it’s no less real than anyone else.
It’s simple: have baby = real mum!
If you pushed a baby out your vagina, had one pulled out the sunroof or someone else carried the child for you? Then you are a real mum!
If you breast fed your baby, or you bottle fed them? Still a real mum!
If you left the hospital skinnier then before you were pregnant, or you gained 30kg? Guess what! Still a real mum!
If you were baking cupcakes and mopped your floors the day you came home with your baby or you didn’t even leave your house for a month and can’t see your dining room table under the pile of washing? Oh, wait for it… STILL A REAL MUM?
Literally if you have a child, you’re a REAL mum – it’s pretty simple!
We need to stop creating these ideals of what is real and what isn’t.
If a mum chose to stay home with her kids and be a proud housewife – power too her!
If a mum goes back to work and hire someone else to clean her house – You go girlfriend!
Women before us didn’t work so hard to change one “stereotype” to another. They fought so hard to break them, to give us a voice and allow us to have choice. A choice to do it however we saw fit!
So, before you’re so quick to point the finger at another mum because they might not be “real” to you. Perhaps just stop and think, “They may not look like me, or do it my way – but that’s because THEY’RE NOT ME” so don’t apply your idea of a mum on them!